Hiccups....again?!

Hiccups. I get them while I am dusting the living room furniture. I get them while I'm doing the dishes. I get them while I am trying to go to sleep after a long day. I get them while I'm in the shower. I get them while I'm tucking Alivia into bed. I get them while I'm driving and even in the middle of a service at church! They come at the most inconvenient times, don't they? And at their own will, they interrupt my peaceful, easy breathing.

A couple days after losing our Helen Charis, Santos and I were talking about how we had been feeling. The ups and downs of our loss. We were talking about how quickly it goes from up to down. We would be having an up moment being overwhelmed by the love people were showing us through the kind cards, the yummy dinners, the clean house, the fresh laundry, and the babysitting of Alivia. Then, abruptly the down moments would come. We would be missing our baby girl. I would be yearning to feel her kick again. To hear her cry just once. To see her beautiful eyes look into mine. Then Santos described it perfectly. He said, "It's like hiccups. They come out of nowhere, who knows how long they will stay and suddenly they're gone." That is exactly how it is! Just a couple weeks ago I was dusting and thinking about the possibility of us moving to Colorado~HICCUP~I realize that if we move we would be leaving Helen behind. I'll be washing the dishes; look outside to see Santos holding Alivia with a big smile on his face~HICCUP~I would think of how he would have been holding Charis with that same smile. I will be laying down to sleep~HICCUP~roll over to see the empty spot where Charis' bassinet would have been. I would be taking a shower~HICCUP~and notice the scar from my c-section. I will be tucking Alivia into bed~HICCUP~and remember that there is another blanket that will not be pulled up. I would be driving~HICCUP~and realize that there is only one car-seat in my rear view mirror. I would be listening to the announcements at church~HICCUP~they say what else could a mom want for mother's day than for you to be in the pew with her? Oh, these hiccups!

People try all these silly things to make hiccups go away...rubbing their ears, drinking water, and holding their breath among other things. Personally, none of them have ever worked well for me. Being bitter about my daughter's death is not going to work! Being angry at God is not going to work! Pointing a finger at the doctors is not going to work! Thinking about what I could have done is not going to work! What has and will continue to work is giving my burden to my LORD and Savior, Jesus Christ! What is going to work is relying on Him to carry me through the downs! What is going to work is remembering the fact that His ways are far more better than mine! What is going to work is letting as many people "meet" my daughter the only way they can; through writing this blog. I pray that if you are going through a down time that will take my advice. Don't try rubbing your ears, drinking a gallon of water, or holding your breath. Turn to God, give Him your life and He will bless you for it!

Our first born daughter Alivia Christine throwing rocks in the creek with her Daddy


"Come to me, all who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble at heart, and you will find rest for your souls."
~Matthew 11:28&29(a.k.a GOD)

Blessings,
Jordan